I am in a trying season of life right now. I am consumed by my anxiety and I am struggling to manage my time well. I am learning how to work in a ministry setting, and honestly, I am not prioritizing time with God and because of this I am feeling disconnected.
I am lacking the engagement that I need with myself. I am not diving into my heart problems. I am cleaning the outside of my cup and not the inside–I act as if my spiritual life is thriving, but in reality, I am a mess.
And that’s okay.
I am constantly learning that heart work is hard work–it’s not fun for me to learn about my brokenness and strive to know God better through it. It’s not fun to analyze my sin struggles. It’s not fun to chase down the lies Satan is telling me. It’s not fun to dig into the deepest insecurities of my heart.
But it is so worth it.
God desires for us to share our struggles with Him. He desires to know us deeply. And I desire to know him.
Working through and processing the messes in my life challenges me and stretches my faith, but through that God always meets me where I am and guides me and loves me perfectly.
This is my public declaration that I am not perfect. Not by a long shot. My “spirituality” is not heightened because I am working as a missionary intern this summer. I am weak. But God’s power is made perfect in my weakness.
God, please soften my heart. Show me the changes that need to be made. Show me the brokenness that I don’t let myself be aware of. I pray that you would lead me to engage with my brokenness, and allow me to grow personally so that I may love others and you better.
Trials come and go and vary, but the Lord is always constant.